we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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