i would punch a child for taco bell
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
