Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
