I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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