My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
