Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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