I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
