Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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