evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
