Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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