Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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