You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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