Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
