he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
