Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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