Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
