I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
