My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
