I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize