I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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