I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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