Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
