I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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