maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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