I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
