Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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