I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
