We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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