Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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