She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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