Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
