if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
