He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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