glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
