And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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