remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
