Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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