i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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