never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
