I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Shame - the story of my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
