I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
