I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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