I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
