Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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