i permit you to call me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
