my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
