someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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