Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
