So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
