there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
