you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
