I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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