I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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