Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
