Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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