so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
