what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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