saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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