Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
